Letter to Late the Dancer

The letter, particularly the letter written in the knowledge that it will be read by someone who knows you, is a different kind of speech from conversation. It allows for care, for revision, for the saying of things that directness would make impossible. Some relationships exist primarily in letters; some could only have been what they were because of letters. It was one of those small things that ended up defining the story. It was the sort of thing that took up more space in their mind than it seemed it should.

Love, when it comes slowly, arrives through accumulation, through the repeated small experience of being known, being accepted, being surprised. The moment of recognition, when it comes, feels like a discovery of something that has been present for a long time. This scene kept returning to them in dreams and quiet moments. It felt as if the day had changed in response.

The particular difficulty of loving someone well is that it requires attending to who they actually are rather than who you thought they were or who you would like them to be. The idealisation that characterises early romantic feeling is not the same as love; love requires the revision of the idealisation in light of reality. It stayed with them long after the day had ended. It was a small, steady thing in the middle of everything else.

They were not the same people they had been at the beginning. This is what living with another person does. Whether this is gain or loss depends on the day you ask. It was the kind of memory that softened with time but never disappeared. That small detail held more meaning than they could say.